Raoul's Diary
by roflcopterskates
Summary: Being the fop he is, he has a lot of time to goof off. This story is made to make fun of Raoul a lot. If you are just BARELY attached to Raoul, I HIGHLY advise you stay away. XD It's all in jest. Dedicated to Erik/Christine fangirls. Rated for language.
1. Tea Time With the Phantom?

Hellooooo roflcopterskates here, again! With the second diary of the series! Raoul! Obvious disclaimer: I own nothing. Enjoy the fic ^-^

Raoul's Diary

CHAPTER 1

Dearest Princess Ramalamadingdong-pants,

Oh the horrors of today! At a closer inspection of my hair, I realized I had split ends! I! WHAT A FARCE! WHAT AN OUTRIGHT SLAP IN THE FACE!

After all the lengths I went through to get my hair as soft as bouncy as it is now!

SPLIT ENDS. YOU KNOW WHAT SPLIT ENDS MEAN?! THE SPLIT END OF THE WORLD. YES. NOW THAT I, RAOUL DE CHAGNY, THE EPITOME OF PERFECT HAIR, HAS SPLIT ENDS, THE WORLD WILL, UNDOUBTEDLY, STOP TURNING, AND THEREFORE, END. COMMA COMMA COMMA.

I'm sorry Princess. When I grow angry, I use a lot of punctuation. I'm alright now, Ramalamadingdong-pants. I took some deep breaths and counted to ten. Just like they tell you in elementary school! Elementary my dear Watson! Elementary!

Did you know that everything you need to know, you learn in Kindergarten? I read a poster that said so. Kindergarten teaches you to share, nap, and something about cookies. It was on a poster. So it must be right.

So anywho! I discovered I had split ends. Then I went to my darling Christine, and we painted each others nails and--Oh ho ho! I jest, Princess! We simply did each other's hair.

I would never do anything so feminine as paint my nails. Except that one nail polish that strengthens and hardens your nails...the clear, shimmery one? It looks positively divine in the light! Anywho.

After my split ends discovery, I decided to pay my good friend Erik a visit! Erik! That silly little freak! With his crazy delusions that Christine loves him!

Ahaha! He does make me laugh! Ha! And ha! Ohhhh, Christine most certainly does not love Erik. Would you like to know why, Princess? Because Erik has an incurable disease. You know what that disease is, Ramalamadingdong-pants?

COOTIES. Yes! It has been proven that Erik indeed has cooties. Christine told me so!  
She said to me, "Raoul. H-How could you ever think th-that I love Erik? He...he um...has cooties! So you see...it's impossible! I would never! If I did love him and make out with him I would receive the cooties!" My dear, Christine. I'm so glad she's looking out for her health.

But that does make me wonder. How does one know if another has cooties? It'd take some close inspection. Unless cooties are something like pneumonia? Something obvious? Hm.

Anyway. Split ends, visited Erik. Most of the time, he pulls the same usual trick he does when I visit him. He pulls a rope out from the lake and ties me up to this large iron fence as he threatens to kill me if I come again. Oh how I love games!

But this time, he did not strangle me against the fence. I admit, I was rather hurt Erik did not want to play with me. So, when I saw him diligently writing at his organ, I did what any masculine friend would do! I glomped him!

Needless to say, he very much enjoyed it. You see, I noticed that when Erik grows increasingly angry, and he tries throwing various items at you, it means he's happy!

As I was fleeing from the objects, I said, "Well it's nice to see you too, Erik! How are you doing?"

"GET OUT OF HERE, RAOUL! I'M BUSY!" He shouted back, hurling a book at me.  
Ignoring his previous statement...well what? He's just indescribably excited to see me! Anyway. Ignoring his previous statement, I said, "Erik, you know what I think you should do?"

"KICK YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE?"

"Heavens no, my dear friend! I was talking about having a tea party!"

I saw him advance his organ and pick it up. He looked at me, holding the organ like a trophy.

I heard him mumble under his breath, "...No...that'd be a waste of an organ." he set the organ down carefully, and heaved a long sigh, "Raoul, I'm not having a damned tea party. You go and get in your princess dress and have your own." With a swish of his cape, he turned and left.

I do believe he was inviting me to a tea party! Otherwise, why else would he leave? He was getting ready! I must be off then, Ramalama. I must go find the right attire! A princess-themed tea party...

XOXO,  
Raoul

Please tell me what you think. Your feedback really helps me! :D


	2. Tea Party plus Sex Appeal equals Cookies

Still owning absolutely nothing. NOW IGNORE ME! And enjoy the fic! :D

Dearest Princess Ramalamadingdong-pants,

So. I have found the perfect outfit for my tea party!

(A/N: Don't own this pic either. Found it on Google. Thanks person-who-put-this-on-Google. …I'm really hoping this picture shows up when I post it. If not, …sorry people.)

ISN'T IT PRETTIFUL!? Erik said princess theme…but I feel as though this suits me better! I simply ADORE all the frills. And it's pink! The hair on the model is a bit long…but I could wear a wig! I can see how pretty I look now! BUT LE GASP. A WIG?! ON RAOUL DE CHAGNY?!

Raoul de Chagny does not wear wigs. What on EARTH was I thinking?! A wig looks positively fake, and unrealistically shiny. Plus, the wig may disrupt the natural beauty of my already perfect hair. …Except the whole split ends thing. FROWNY FACE. Why did you have to remind me about the split ends, little-man-in-my-head?!

Le gasp! I'm just as crazy as Christine! I'm hearing voices! Maybe it's the Angel of Music in my head! THAT WOULD BE SO COOL. Even though my voice is already so heavenly. I don't mean to brag, but I've been told I sound like a dying cat! Don't dying cats sound wonderful? That's what my grandmother told me after I told her someone told me that! Confused? I'm not!

Well, I take that back. I've been very confused most of them. …Pretty much entire life. I never really know what's going on. And in the movie all about me (It is not by ANY means all about Erik and Christine! They are simply minor characters in comparison to me and my moustache! But wait. I don't have a moustache in the movie. …Well I have girly hair! So THERE. ), there is AMPLE evidence of such confusion. Like the time I heard that dreadful man in Christine's room! I shook the doorknob and I didn't know who was in there seducing my girlfriend! …But Christine later told me she was only baking cookies with a chef in her room. …Which makes no sense. She doesn't have a stove. Or ingredients. Or cooking supplies. Huh. Maybe she lied. …NO. She's Christine!

Christine NEVER lies. Just like how girls NEVER FART. EVER. …Anyway! So the tea party! I went down to Erik's lab—er lair. For once, Erik was angry to see me. You know how I said whenever he's happy, he throws objects at me, and says hateful things? Well when I came in in my princess dress, he SMILED. HE ACTUALLY SMILED. He said, "Christine! My dear!" I looked behind me. Had Christine been invited to the tea party as well?

No one was there. …Erik must have been going crazy or something like Christine was. I was rather sad. He wasn't happy to see me! He was angry to see me! Why else would he be so HAPPY?!11!!!1! So I turned and began leaving. But how rude would that be? He invites me to a tea party and I leave? Rude I say! Rude! So I did what any manly friend would do! Remember this, Ramalama? I GLOMPDED HIM AGAIN! :D SMILEY FACE.

…Then he said something about them beneath a moonless sky, but I didn't really catch it. Didn't sound important so I just shut him out. Probably some drawing he did of them. Erik was quite the artist you know. …Sometimes I do wonder why Christine frequents his lair so often. They must be great friends.

…Why does Christine like Erik so much? …Then again…why do _I _like Erik so much?! He's such a silly little goose! That's why! :D 333333 LESS THAN THREE RAMALAMA! LESS THAN THREE!!! And he's so talented…and mysterious…and he can swish his cape very sexily! …Can guys say other guys are sexy? I THINK WE CAN. SO THERE, RAMALAMA.

Enough of Erik and his sex appeal. (A/N: Cue squeeing Erik fangirls! Yes Raoul. Erik does indeed have a sex appeal. Why else would Beneath A Moonless Sky happen? XD Moving along.) So I was leaving, but I stopped and came back. Still a bit saddened by Erik's obvious disdain for my showing up, I said a bit quietly, "…So where's the tea?" Erik's eyes widened. …In fact, his facial expression was so severe, his mask nearly fell off from the tightening of his face. He slapped me, pulled out a rope, and tied me to the iron fence! YAY! Erik does luv meh! "Why are you here, Raoul?!" He screamed. I smiled, "You're happy to see me! Yayz!" He rolled his eyes with a sigh, and untied me.

"Just get out, you stupid fop."

I tilted my head in confusion, "Erik?"

"Yes?" He sighed annoyedly.

"What's a fop?"

"You." He replied plainly.

"Oh!" I said with a smile. I don't know what a fop is, but it must be nice! Erik would NEVER say ANYTHING mean about ME! I soon grew bored with Erik's happiness. Really. That glare and scowl were getting old real fast.

Find a new happy face, Erik, geez. So I turned and left. Before I left though, I turned and asked, "…When's the next party, Erik?"

"Never!"

Yay! There's a party tomorrow! I will return to you, Erik! But now, it is very late, so I end today's entry. I will tell you all about the party tomorrow, Ramalama! Good day!

XOXO,

Raoulykins


	3. A Small Request

Yay! Raoul the fop is back. Sorry it took a while to update. It was rather difficult to sneak into Raoul's room and hack into his diary. He found out about me posting his entries on FF, and he…eh…he put his diary in a safe surrounded by baying hounds. …It was a dangerous ordeal getting the information, but I got it just for you, my reader! :P I hope you like this entry. If Raoul found out I posted this, he'd get especially angry, Since I pinky promised I wouldn't post anymore. BUT IT DOESN'T COUNT! CROSSIES! HA! …So anyway! I own nothing. NOW ON WITH THE PUBLIC EMBARRASSMENT! (A/N: The views expressed in this fanfic are not those of the author! Another note. For those of you that DO NOT know the storyline of Love Never Dies, sequel to PotO, there are spoilers. Just saying.)

Dearest Princess Ramalamadingdong-pants,

The party with Erik totally SUCKED. He never hugged me once! Or tried to kill me which I found highly offensive. What? Am I not GOOD enough to be dead? Le sigh. Erik, you heartbreaker. TT-TT You see this Ramalama? He's driven me to tears. That's how horrible he is! Sigh. So. I shall reminisce on this...horrifically depressing party. I showed up, fashionably late. I didn't want to be too rude, so I was a minute late. ...I know. I'm SUCH a rebel! Rrrrrrowr. I'm a ferocious kitty! I demand you become supple to my sensuous entreaties, Erik!

...Did I just say Erik? I meant Christine. They sound terribly alike. Errrrrrik. Chrrrrristine. You see? I don't like Erik like that. What's that Ramalama? If I don't like him like that why am I getting so defensive? You know what, Ramalama? You can just shut up before I throw you into a fire and watch you burn!

...I'M SORRY RAMALAMA I DIDN'T MEAN THAT! *crycry* I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I LOVE YOU RAMALAMA! YOU'RE MY ONLY FRIEND! ...Well, with the exception of Erik! We're best friends! ...what was I talking about before? ...Right! The party! …Le sigh. I actually do not wish to speak of it it was so highly depressing. Instead…I do believe I shall tell you about my philosophies on life. Firstly, the better-looking you are, the better your life will be. It is a well-known fact. Why do you think I dress so effeminately? …No, Ramalama. It is not because I wish to draw men in with my dashing good looks.

…Although…do you think that'd work on Erik? With that ugly face of his, all he cares about are looks! Le GASP. What if I went to Erik's right now to ask him…no…I'll make it a surprise! I'll give him a makeover while he sleeps! He'll appreciate it so much, he JUST might throw his organ at me! Ohh dear me! With my makeover skills he'll be GORGEOUS. Gorgeous. What's better than gorgeous? SEXY. Meg thinks Erik is sexy. I don't understand that. Since when is she so obsessed with him? Just a few years ago she was all, "It's him. The Phantom of the Operaaa! OH NOOOOES." And now she's all, "IMMA KILL GUSTAVE BECAUSE I'M A CRAAAZY BITCH!" And then, "LOVE ME ERIK! LOVE ME YOU SEXY BEAST!" …Ok perhaps not worded precisely as such…but you get the idea.

Her sudden love for him greatly confuses me. …Why is that all women desperately love Erik? Please ladies. I know there are ladies reading this. This crazed fanfiction (Erik fangirl) authoress steals my diary and posts it on the Internet (an invention I still do not quite understand…) for all to see. It is rather cruel of her. But anyway! Ladies. Please tell me why Erik is…is…SO DAMN ATTRACTIVE! I really don't understand why my Christine seems attracted to him…(A/N: You heard him. He wants answers! If you'd like to tell Raoul why Erik is so unbelievably sexy, tell him in your review! )

Thank you ladies. And…just so you all know…I am available.

Desperately desperate single fop, (Raoul's Note: HEY!)

Raoulypoo

P.S. I forgot I was rambling about my philosophies!

So! That wraps it up for this diary entry. I tried to convince Raoul why Erik is so amazing, but he simply would not accept it. Ladies, help me. The next chapter will be a SPECIAL one! Very special! If I like your reasons for Erik being simply amazing, I shall post them! And Raoul will respond to them. Not only that, but I have ANOTHER little surprise in store! I'll be starting this special chapter as soon as I can, so hurry up and review! Or your reason may not end up being used And as for the chapter after that…it will be the makeover! XD Thank you all for being so patient! I'll update as soon as I can. Thanks for reading, and I hope you stick with me and keep reading!


	4. Special Interview Special of Specialness

Hello all my faithful readers! Thanks sooooooo much for being SO INCREDIBLY patient! It's all about to pay off my pretties! I just got a new computer, so I can update like NO OTHA. :D Anyways, I hope you enjoy this next update. Raoul was a bit hesitant to join me in this interview-style update, but he eventually gave in. What I have not told him…is that we have a special guest. Mweeheeeheeee. Enjoy the REALLY LONG show, y'all! Sorry if it's too much to read. XD There were so many reviews! I hope it doesn't bother you guys going from such short chapters to this insanely long one. XD Anyways! Enjoy! (Bee tee dubs, still not owning anything.)

**Me**:

So, hey Raoul.

**Raoul**:

…Hello.

**Me**:

You ready to start this thing?

**Raoul**:

…Ready as I will ever be I suppose.

**Me**:

AWESHUM! So the first review we've got here is from Blazenaire Alda. And I quote,

"Lmao! Love this story so much, funny as all hell! :D Hmm... as for Erik being sexy, I'll have to say his dark, mysterious nature and that voice of his! *blanks out* Ok, back again. I, being the Erik fangirl I am, must say this. Raoul truly is a fop though my sis is one very rare being. A fop fangirl! :O Well, anyway... story is great and please keep posting in the future! :) Blaze"

**Raoul**:

What's "Lmao," rofl? ( his nickname for me, seeing as I am roflcopterskates :P)

**Me**:

Laugh my ass off.

**Raoul**:

Oh. …Well…I must say I'm a little hurt that everyone revels in my humiliation.

**Me**:

Oh Raoul, don't be a baby. It's all in good fun. So that's not what's going on now, Raoul! What do you think about her opinion?

**Raoul**:

Well…I dunno…

**Me**:

*mischevious smile*

**Raoul**:

Well…I suppose I think that-*looks at me* …Why are you smiling like that?

**Me**:

Nooooo reason. It's just that WE HAVE A GUEST!

**Raoul**:

…Wait what?

**Me**:

That's right! Come on down, Erik!

**Fangirls**:

*go crazy*

**Erik**:

*comes in, takes a seat beside me*

**Me**:

Thanks for joining us, Erik! *looks to the audience, aka you* You guys better appreciate this! I had to pay a ton of money to get him here in the same room with Raoul for an entire interview!

**Erik**:

*nods* You guys know how much I hate this guy…

**Raoul**:

*huge smile* OH MY GODDDDDD IT'S ERIIIIIIIIIIIIIK. HIIIIIII BEST FRIEND!

**Erik**:

*heaving sigh* Can we just carry on, please?

**Me**:

Yeah of course we-Raoul, stop breathing in Erik's ear like that guy on Hey Arnold. Get back in your seat.

**Raoul**:

*goes back to his seat, huge smile at Erik*

**Me**:

So anyways! Opinions, guys! Blaze was nice enough to leave a review! *looks to Blaze in the audience* Thank you Blaze.

**Erik**:

…I'm dark and mysterious…yes…I like that. Dangerous! Yes! YOU HEAR THAT, RAOUL? SO STAY AWAY!

**Raoul**:

I like his voice too, Blaze! It's like all "GRRRR I'M MAD AT YOU!"

**Me**:

…I don't think that's what she was talking about, Raoul…

**Raoul**:

Well then what WAS she talking about? His voice has this richness and power in it!

**Me**:

…Well ok you PARTIALLY got it, but I think she's talking about his singing voice.

**Raoul**:

WHAT. I SING SO MUCH BETTERER! Remember? I sound like a dying cat! I know you read that bit in my diary!

**Me**:

…Dying cats don't sound good, Raoul.

**Raoul**:

Ridiculous! Of course they do!

**Me**:

*sighs* Whatever. Keep thinking that. Any other thoughts guys?

**Erik**:

*small bow to Blaze* I thank you for your kind words. ….Everyone knows I don't receive them often… (A/N: The editors of the interview photoshopped a single tear on Erik's face at this time.)

**Me**:

Aw. Yes. Thank you indeed, Blaze. *looks to Raoul* How bout you, fop?

**Raoul**:

Well…I just wanted to know why it's so crazy her sister likes me. I'm a cool guy! I'm all rich and I have a moustache and-

**Me**:

*snickers, leans over to Erik, whispers* You know who else has moustaches?

**Erik**:

Who?

**Me**:

MELODRAMA VILLAINS.

**Erik**:

*snickers*

**Raoul**:

-so I just don't get why it's so insane!

**Me**:

Tell you what, Raoul. Just deal with it. Next review! This one is from MotherTheresa8. They say,

"omg! So funny! Well, Raoul, Erik is a VERY very sexy beast. Unlike you, he doesn't become a bitter old drunk in the sequel ((read about it X3)) and actually likes and listens to what girls like. Plus he knows how to treat women right. =3 Gawd! I don't know why it took Christine so long to realize E-*mouth is covered*  
Sara *one of my anime ocs*: Emma...you're going on a spoiler rant again."

First thoughts, guys?

**Erik**:

I had no idea people thought I was so sexy.

**Me**:

…I don't even want to answer that because it's so obvious.

**Raoul**:

Bitter old drunk! The audacity!

**Erik**:

It's true. You were a royal prick. A douche bag. A jerkwad.

**Raoul**:

*sighs* I can't really argue with you…you are SO much smarter than me Erik!

**Erik**:

This is true. And, Most Noble MotherTheresa8, I am flattered you think I treat women correctly. I like to think I do as well.

**Raoul**:

*pouts and whines* I treat women right too!

**Me**:

Yooooou do not.

**Raoul**:

But I was so chivalrous and cute in the first movie!

**Me**:

Yeah. You were probably PRETENDING so you could win Christine over, you horrible person! Cruelly taking her from Erik-poo-poo-kins….

**Erik**:

….Never call me that again, please.

**Me**:

Right…sorry.

**Raoul**:

HELLO WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW I DON'T TREAT WOMEN RIGHT? It's madness! I most definitely do!

**Me**:

THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAA!

**Erik** and **Raoul**:

*look at me strangely*

**Me**:

….Sorry. You just…you said madness….and Gerard Butler's voice came into my head…because Erik kinda is Gerard….and…I thought of that…and-

**Erik** and **Raoul**:

*look at me even more strangely for breaking their fourth wall and their brains*

**Me**:

….Shutting up.

**Erik**:

Anyway. Raoul, you treat women horribly. I will admit you did treat Christine with the most gentlemanly respect in our first encounter…but later….you became a real dick.

**Raoul**:

WAAAAHHHHH ERIK YOU'RE SO MEAN!

**Me**:

I thought you said that his insults meant he liked you?

**Raoul**:

That's ANGER. THAT IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THING!

**Me**:

…Whatever.

**Erik**:

AS I WAS SAYING. I just have one more thing to add before we move onto the next review, rofl.

**Me**:

Ok…go for it.

**Erik**:

*stares at Raoul evilly with a smirk* The baby was mine.

**Raoul**:

WHA….BUT….I-!

**Erik**:

So the next review is from….oh sorry. MotherTheresa8, thank you for your feedback!

**Me**:

Yeah! Thanks! I'm really glad you like it!

**Erik**:

So…ahem. As I was saying. Next review is from hershey345,

"First of all, this is the funniest thing I've read it a LONG time! Keep writing =]  
Second of all,

Dear Raoul,  
How is Erik NOT a sexy beast? Have you heard him sing? *giggle/drool* Honestly, any guy that can sing like that and can play an instrument and can write music AND looks that amazing in a cape is obviously the Sexiest Man Alive (Take that, Ryan Reynolds!)

Plus who doesn't love a man in a mask?

Love,  
Rosie 3"

HA! MORE WIN! ERIK 2, RAOUL ZERRROOOOO. *clears throat* Ahem. Sorry. I just…I am very much liking all these compliments. And I am glad so many of you have been rooting for me and my Christine…

**Me**:

*snickers* Raoul you just got PWNED.

**Raoul**:

Erik you're mean! You're hogging all the fangirls!

**Me**:

It's not his fault he's way more attractive and appealing than you.

**Raoul**:

BUT HE'S LIKE 40 AND CHRISTINE IS LIKE 18! HA! BET YOU GUYS DIDN'T REMEMBER THAT, HUH?

**Me**:

Correction. Since Gerard Butler played the Phantom in the movie, any past images of him were completely erased and replaced with his beautiful 30-year-old image. Plus, that kind of stuff happened all the time back in your guys' time. SO HA.

**Raoul**:

WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

**Erik**:

Why is my cape so appealing?

**Me**:

It's NOT the cape! It's the cape TWIRL. …And kinda the cape. You just work it, Erik.

**Erik**:

Well…I am glad I can….work…the cape.

**Raoul**:

What about me! This fanfiction is called RAOUL'S diary! Not LET'S TALK ABOUT EVERY ATTRACTIVE ASPECT OF ERIK'S diary!

**Me**:

Well it should be.

**Raoul**:

Then why don't you change it?

**Me**:

It wouldn't be nearly as entertaining as seeing how stupid you are.

**Raoul**:

WAAAAAAHHHHH ERIK! ROFLKINS IS SAYING MEAN THINGS TO ME!

**Erik**:

Don't care. *smiling, scratching underneath Christine's chin, serenading her, AND writing music at the same time. (A/N: He IS a genius. :P)*

**Me**:

…Erik, where'd Christine come from?

**Erik**:

Shut up, she's totally in love with me right now.

**Me**:

Erik, she's BEEN in love with you.

**Erik**:

…Right. …Sorry, Christine. I am a bit preoccupied.

**Christine**:

*sighs. leaves*

**Me**:

I'm sorry we're getting so off-track, hershey345. *looks to Raoul* So, what else do you have to say?

**Raoul**:

Still not seeing it.

**Me**:

WHAT! You still don't see why everyone loves Erik so much?

**Raoul**:

Nope.

**Me**:

Grr! Next review then! Little Luxa says,

"It's very simple Raoul,  
Erik's smexy cape twirl is better than your hair (even though you take good care of it)  
Erik's punjabbing and sword fighting skills are better than your sword fighting skills  
Erik is worshiped by thousands of Phans while you only have your diary to fawn over you  
Erik can sing and you can't even keep a tune  
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...  
Erik is just bad ass  
You, on the other hand are a pansy with split ends!  
Muhahahahaha!

Little Luxa"

**Raoul**:

HOW IS _ANYTHING_ BETTER THAN MY HAIR?

**Me**:

Your hair doesn't swirl like his cape. Plus, your hair is just your hair. When Erik twirls his cape, you can see his fancy clothes underneath. PLUS PLUS he wears a sexy ruffly pirate shirt.

**Raoul**:

I did too!

**Me**:

His is better because of the mask.

**Erik**:

…THOUSANDS of phans…?

**Me**:

…Maaaaybe we should change the subject before Erik gets a big head.

**Raoul**:

NO! I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS INSULT! My hair is so much better! I am a great sword fighter! …I…I have that one fangirl! Blaze's sister! And…and! I CAN sing! I SOUND like a dying cat! The best compliment one can receive on singing and…and…!

**Me**:

*shakes head shamefully* Just give it up, Raoul.

**Erik**:

If you were such an awesome sword fighter…how come the baby is mine?

**Me**:

Oh gross, Erik. Did you really have to go there?

**Erik**:

*laughs*

**Me**:

I would just like to apologize for Erik's….suggestive slur.

**Erik**:

Oh come on, it was just a joke!

**Raoul**:

I don't get it.

**Me**:

Just let it go, Raoul…

**Raoul**:

Only if I get to read the next review…

**Me**:

*sighs* Fine. Go ahead.

**Raoul**:

Yay! This next one is from Vaxnashan. They say,

"RAOUL! How do you NOT know how Erik is hot! Have you SEEN him in that tight clothing! And his eyes... They're so pretty... XD i feel like a rambling fangirl!"

**Me**:

*looks to Vaxnashan in the audience* Don't worry. I'm a rambling fangirl too.

**Raoul**:

Don't encourage them!

**Me**:

They just have good taste.

**Erik**:

…I look good in tight clothing? …And I have nice eyes? *smiles*

**Me**:

Awwww! Look Vaxnashan! You made him happy! Yay.

**Raoul**:

OKOK. I WILL admit that Erik…IS…better looking. …I mean…even though he's got the whole…face thing going on…

**Me**:

Yeah. And you have a creepy moustache. Deformed face is greater than creepy moustache you nibble on when you're nervous. Who DOES that anyway!

**Raoul**:

It's like gum!

**Me**:

….Ew?

**Erik**:

I wanna read the next one! I like this!

**Me**:

Yay! Everyone is making him so happy!

**Erik**:

This one is from mirifaery. They say,

"...Seriously? You want to know why phangirls love Erik? Wow, okay. Well, Erik is a genius. And plus he sings. Awesomeness. He composes. Very awesome. He may be insane, but dammit, he's interesting. And he has a cape. Which wins big points. I think I mentioned twirly cape thingies. He also kinda has that Mr Tall Dark and Dangerous appeal going for him too. And that, dear Monsieur de Changy, I find Erik attractive."

Thank you mirifaery! I'm glad I win so many awesome points with you.

**Me**:

I agree with everything you just said, mirifaery. You hit the nail on the head with this one.

**Raoul**:

How does ANYTHING make up for insanity?

**Me**:

Shut up, Raoul. You're ruining the moment.

**Raoul**:

Hmph. I still don't see what's so great about being smart, and having a great voice, and composing, and being interesting, and wearing capes sexily, and Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome/Dangerous…

**Me**:

…Raoul were you dropped on your head when you were born?

**Raoul**:

Possibly, why?

**Me**:

Just checkin.

**Erik**:

Tell me why it's great, rofl!

**Me**:

*sighs, smiles* Ok. It's great because EVERYTHING is great about it. It makes you all sweet and sensitive and nice and mysterious and girls totally love it.

**Erik**:

I was actually very bitter about coming here to sit with that idiot this whole time…

**Raoul**:

*eyes water*

**Erik**:

But I find I am really enjoying the experience!

**Raoul**:

Well duh! Everyone is just THROWING compliments and LOVE on you!

**Me**:

BECAUSE HE NEVER GOT IT EVER, THANKS TO YOU, RAOUL!

**Raoul**:

Meep.

**Me**:

…Ok, sorry, Raoul. You have a special little place in my heart too. You're nice. But you're an idiot.

**Raoul**:

….Can I read the last one, rofl?

**Me**:

*sigh* Fine. It's the least I can do.

**Raoul**:

Alrighty! Last one! This is from LivvyLovesPhantom. They say,

"Erik is amazing because he can sing! Really well! His voice is hypnotising and puts girls to sleep. And he holds such passion, that's what the rose is all about you know. Plus, he looks good in a cape! So my little Raoul, that is why Erik is SMOKING!"

**Me**:

I must say…I love your use of the word passion, Livvy. It just sounds so….it just captures Erik so perfectly!

**Erik**:

I FEEL SO LOVED

**Me**:

Well that's good!

**Raoul**:

I feel so neglected!

**Me**:

That is also good!

**Raoul**:

….So…let me get this straight. Erik is loved by everyone because he sings, he's sexy, he wears a cape, he is a genius, he's hypnotizing, he's alluring, he's mysterious, and he's pretty much got EVERYTHING going for him because he also has the sad puppy thing going because he was neglected his entire life?

**Me**:

HE CAN BE TAUGHT!

**Raoul**:

…Ok. …Fine. …I'll admit. …I knew the whole time that all this stuff was true.

**Me**:

Then why did you fight it so much!

**Raoul**:

…I didn't want it to be true…

**Me**:

*sighs* Raoul, it's ok to be jealous of Erik. He is CLEARLY so much better than you.

**Raoul**:

Well…in the next chapter I'm going to make him even more wonderful!

**Me**:

*snicker* Riiiight… *knows what is in store* Anyways. That looks like it's about it!

**Erik**:

Thank you all my loyal phangirls! All of you that sent in these reviews, I truly truly appreciate them! And I;m sure rofl likes hearing you like her work.

**Me**:

I do!

**Raoul**:

Well….what if I changed somehow? *still can't get off the whole being-less-awesome-than-Erik*

**Christine**:

*comes in* Not for all the tequila in Mexico.

**Erik**:

*leaves with her*

**Me**:

*laughing* Ok Raoul. That was the greatest burn I have ever heard in my life. And it's so ironic because you probably DRANK all the tequila in Mexico so you KNOW how great it'd be!

**Raoul**:

*pouts* I shall prevail in the next chapter! You watch!

**Me**:

Well, that looks like that's all for this chapter! Thanks all so much for your patience and I'll update ASAP with more of Raoul's crazy adventures. Hope you enjoyed this interview, and thank you to everyone who sent in their reviews! You made Erik and myself very happy. PEACE OUT! Oh! And review please! Bye!


End file.
